Saturday, February 5, 2011

I Wish...

"I wish I had a salad." "I wish I had that new game." Even "I wish you were here," or "I wish I was in Italy." Cut this shit out, think about what you say. You have 3 wishes and you're going to waste them on that? What a sucker. Quit wasting your wishes. One of these days a wish is going to come true and you're going to look like the shitbrain that wasted their one free pass on Big Mac you disgusting fuck. Be more careful with your wording.

I've whittled my wishes down to an exact science. (No wishing for more wishes faggot, you know the rules). They're perfect and they're flexible. They are: Control space time, change any physical aspect of my body, and read minds. This enables me to do whatever I want, all because I went the extra mile to think outside of the box. I can freeze time, I can teleport, I can renew my organs giving me eternal life (barring I don't die instantly), I can even give myself gills or wings if I wanted to. The reading minds bit is just an icing on this god-tier cake.

So when I'm ruling the world and ballin' around town with my perfect wishes, don't come crying to me with your new Nickelback album.

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